The Hoxton Urban Lodge, Hoxton, East London

Shoreditch, London
Monsieur and I love the nightlife of London’s edgy East End but not the epic journey home, so just for once we’ve decided to treat ourselves to a night in a hotel. The Hoxton on Great Eastern Street is a great location, runs regular £1 sales on rooms, and bills itself as an ‘Urban Lodge’ - a home away from home. Perfect, we thought, let's give it a try.

Friday, 6.35
Entering from the street, The Hoxton feels more like a cool club than a hotel - the lobby is teeming with people, mostly trendy Shoreditch types but quite a few City suits too. At the Reception desk we’re greeted by a friendly jeans-clad girl who runs through what’s included in our (very reasonable, pre-paid online) room rate: WiFi, an hour’s UK landline calls and a light Pret breakfast. Amazing!

6.42

Oh how we needed that bed

The leather-lined lift sets the tone for the rest of the hotel - sexy, dark, a little louche. As we get out on the fifth floor and make our way along the moodily-lit corridor it feels like we’re in a David Lynch movie. Our room is large, light and plush without being luxurious, feeling more like a private apartment than a hotel.

Cute notes around our room - we don't mind if we do!

We’re certainly made to feel at home by the quirky signs around the room; they’re more like the kind of helpful Post-Its a friend would leave you than the usual stiff instructions we see in hotels.


Another homely touch is the free mineral water and fresh milk in the fridge to which we’re cheerfully encouraged to ‘Just help yourself’. We like.

7.00
The view out over the City is superb but we don’t have too long to enjoy it - we’re booked in for dinner at Hoxton Grill downstairs. The restaurant is located off the lobby of The Hoxton but is operated by Soho House Group, and it shows in both the decor (which reminds us of the dining room at Soho House Berlin) and the super-polished but informal service. The menu’s great, a selection of modern American diner favourites with some brasserie classics.

Loved the Hoxton Grill, and our flirt with the waiter

Monsieur 2 keeps it simple with tomato soup followed by steak and chips, both excellent - the soup flecked with shreds of fresh basil, the steak a 10oz rump cooked exactly medium-rare just how he likes it. I try salt beef hash - thick slices of good beef on a fat potato cake, topped with a poached egg - and tiger prawn and chorizo gumbo. I love the glossy, spicy sauce and huge shell-on prawns, but I’m not convinced that the slices of thin sausage aren’t frankfurter rather than chorizo. We’re glad we let our gorgeous, flirty waiter talk us into dessert; the raspberry ripple cheesecake and ultra-decadent banana fudge sundae are fantastic.

9.08
Stuffed and a little drowsy we decide to revive with a shower back in our room. The sleek slate-tiled bathroom has a gorgeous rainfall shower, just what we need to bring us back to life before heading out into the night...

9.40
The gay scene in this part of London is small but perfectly formed and as edgily unconventional as the area’s fashionable population. We start off at the George & Dragon on Hackney Road, a bric-a-brac stuffed pub playing great music, then move on to the Nelson’s Head up the road. Finally we head for The Joiners Arms, the cool, grimy bar-club. We love the place and only stagger out when the lights go up.

3.16 (ahem)

Quirky touches around our room made us feel right at home

Staying at The Hox was definitely a good idea - we’re falling into bed fifteen minutes after leaving The Joiners not the usual hour-plus. Looks like we’re not the only ones to have sampled the area’s nocturnal delights - many doors on our corridor are displaying the fun ‘Go Away!’ swing-tags and there’s some serious moaning-and-groaning coming from a few doors down...



Saturday, 10.20

Our Breakfast Bags were very welcome first thing.

Thank God we only have to reach out the door to their dedicated hook for our breakfast bags. Granola, juice and a banana, plus fresh coffee from the in-room selection, take the edge off our hangovers.

11.17
After a long shower, we’re feeling human again and decide to brave the journey home. Checking out, we realise it’s only the second time we’ve needed to interact with The Hoxton’s staff as guests are left so completely to their own devices. It’s in keeping with the home-from-home ethos but maybe feels a little impersonal.

11.23
As we leave, the lobby’s just as buzzing as when we arrived; The Hoxton rocks right around the clock. We’ll certainly consider it for our next night out up East and definitely be back for more fab food and flirting with the staff at Hoxton Grill.

N: The Hoxton
T: 020 75501000
A: 81 Great Eastern Street, London, EC2A 3HU
W: hoxtonhotels.com
Our rating:

Join us on Twitter: @deuxmessieurs
Learn more about The Hoxton's £1 sales at hoxtonhotels.com

Stratton's Hotel, Swaffham, Norfolk

Sunday 16.00 When by happy coincidence a planned visit to Monsieur 1’s family in Norfolk coincided with Monsieur 2’s birthday, we decided to extend the weekend and treat ourselves to a night somewhere fabulous after our few days en famille. We asked around for recommendations and one name kept coming up - Stratton’s.

Strattons Hotel

Tucked away up a narrow close off the market place which Swaffham is known for, Stratton’s resembles a small country estate - an imposing main villa, a couple of attractive outbuildings and a cafe-delicatessen, all within immaculate landscaped grounds. It feels delightfully secluded, despite being in the heart of the town. We’re immediately relaxed  - and we’ve not even checked in yet.

The Red Room has an open fire and a private courtyard garden

16.05

A couldn’t-be-friendlier receptionist, Michaela, welcomes us and walks us through a comfortably-furnished lounge - where one of the hotel’s three adorable resident cats is curled up peacefully on a chair - and shows us to The Red Room. We gasp as we walk in; it’s amazing. There’s a vast oak four-poster bed on a dais, a lounge area, a tea table with armchairs, a library for goodness’sake...I rack my brain to think of where I’ve seen a bedroom this opulent before, and then it comes to me: Chatsworth. When Michaela says “And here’s the key to your private courtyard garden” I’m already wishing we’d booked more than one night.

16.12
We make tea, slump on one of the three sofas and put our feet up. While Monsieur 2 flicks through the TV channels and logs the iPad onto the free WiFi, I read the hotel guide to find out what amenities there are. It turns out there’s no bar in the hotel although drinks are available from the (well-stocked) mini-bar or in the lounge; instead we decide to stroll around Swaffham and find a pub.

16.45

Bustling during the week and on market day, Saturday, today there’s hardly a soul to be seen in Swaffham. We head to The Greyhound (which appears in the TV series Kingdom) for a pint; it’s not exactly welcoming so we drink up quickly, grab a bottle of wine from the one open shop and head back to the haven of The Red Room.

18.20

Plush Bathtime Pleasures

With plenty of time before dinner we decide to take advantage of the 7’ roll-top bath in the bonkers tented bathroom (it looks like something out of Cleopatra) as it’s rare to find a tub long enough to comfortably accommodate both messieurs. We soak and soothe until our toes turn wrinkly, then dry ourselves off and dress for dinner.

20.00

It’s just a few steps from our room to The Rustic, Stratton’s restaurant. We’re greeted warmly by restaurant manager Charlie and given a table by the open fire. A fabulous meal follows; chef Sam uses only the best local produce and it shows. Monsieur 2’s leek and potato soup is creamy and seasoned just right while my duck pastrami and turnip sauerkraut is a clever riff on a Reuben sandwich. We then tuck into a Swannington beef burger - served with decadent ‘thrice cooked dripping chips’ and home-made ketchup - and sea trout with lovely, salty King’s Lynn cockles. To finish, I have ‘Millionaire’s shortbread’, a delicious deconstructed version of my favourite bakery treat, while Monsieur 2 polishes off a rhubarb trifle. To drink, how can we resist a bottle of The Rustic’s house wine - Domaine Gayda?

Oh Strattons

Fit for a ...

22.30

Thank goodness we don’t have far to stagger - we’re stuffed, not to mention a little tipsy. Back in The Red Room we draw the thick heavy curtains and climb into our luxurious four-poster.

Monday 09.07

We’ve slept like two particularly contented logs and after a cuppa to wake us up it’s back to The Rustic for breakfast. As well as self-service cereals and granola, some home-made, we’re given a choice of cooked breakfasts and go for the full English. Everything’s as good as dinner the night before, a perfect end to our stay and start to the day.

10.25

It’s always a good sign when you’re sad to check out of a hotel and that’s definitely the case as we return our room key. The staff at Stratton’s obviously care about every guest so much that I feel they’re even a little sorry to see us go. As we walk back down the drive to the coach stop that’s conveniently just outside, we look back at the beautiful place where we’ve spent a fabulous night and know that we’ll be back.

N: Strattons Hotel

T: 01760 723 845

E: enquiries@strattonshotel.com
A: Strattons, Ash Close, Swaffham, Norfolk, PE37 7NH
W: strattons-hotel.co.uk/

Our rating: *****

Berkeley House, Tetbury, Gloucestershire

Friday, 11.30pm
Hip, hip, hoo-bloody-ray! Paul and Andrew are finally tying the knot, and about time too! Paul was M's best pal when he first ventured over the Channel, and I met Andrew in a taxi queue at 5.30am after a heavy night of clubbing. I say it was Andrew. It could have been the Pope for all I know.

Anyway, Monsieur 2 and I now take personal responsibility for their blissful union and, along with eight other pals, are heading SW for a weekend of good food, good wine and great company. We're bound for Berkeley House, a Georgian townhouse Prince Charles’s stomping ground, Tetbury. It's supposed to be tranquil and relaxed affair, but Ralph - our token Brazilian, who makes Marguerita Pracatan look like a school librarian - is coming, so let's not hold our breath for tranquility.

Generally, we can't wait to see the old boys again, although Monsieur 2's feeling a little apprehensive after the incident in Shrewsbury involving Colin and the combi- boiler. Still we packed the boot with generous quantities from the wine cellar (le mini vacance is a 'self-catering' joint) which rattled alarmingly as we began our journey, turning left onto the Cromwell Road.

2.15
Ralph was the first out of the door, followed by Colin, Lisa and her nearest and dearest Rupert. Paul and Andrew were apparently upstairs shouting at each other: pre-wedding nerves, perhaps? [M: It made a change from it being us.] Cheeky.

2.55
Lisa's just escorted us round the premises, giving a blow-by-blow account of the design (she's an interior designer). This place has certainly got the wow factor. Run by Lena Proudlock, a Swedish photographer and designer, the house (and its Coach House, Orangery and Bay Tree apartment opposite – all of which can be rented) has been featured in Vogue, Elle and Homes & Gardens. Its décor its drool-inducing. Terrifically discreet, but deliciously luxurious.

Plenty of room for Lounging

 

Decked out largely in black and denim (trust me – it works!), there are enormous black fireplaces, denim-studded chairs and black sofas, offset to perfection by high ceilings, cosy shutters, and oversized hangings of Proudlock’s photography. Drama, pathos and texture galore.

Oh to have a Kitchen like this one!

The stunningly modern stainless steel kitchen opens up into a conservatory-type space leading onto the garden, a careful Baroque symphony of clean-cut quadrant lines. Venture further and we located our home for the weekend. The Orangery. Ralph, our master chef for the weekend, was eying up the Aga, whilst my dear M began plonking his 'plonk' into the fridge. Plonk maybe the wrong word for carefully chosen vintages, but I know the word grates on him like fingernails on a blackboard, so I always use it. Aren't I mean.

Master Bedroom, Berkeley House

Lounge Space in the Orangery

The hub of the house is the gorgeous sitting room - or Media Room, as it's know - with a kitchenette for midnight Mac-based feasts! I was rather envious of the master bedroom in the house, with its plasam screen television and generous en suite, but who am I to complain when Monsieur 2 and I have our very own private quarters!

The house can be rented with or without The Orangery, and since we have a surplus of numbers, we volunteered to sleep there. Admittedly we were swayed by the seven-foot four-poster bed and wetroom with a showerhead six times the size of ours at home. But who's one for details!

Friday, 6.25pm
Monsieur 2 and I have helped ourselves to the black bathrobes provided and are about to indulge in a Molton Brown extravaganza courtesy of the owner before we join the throng for dinner, which, incidentally, Monsieur 2 is helping prepare: a French feast of steak tartare, dauphine potatoes and steamed veg laced with rosemary. He takes this all very seriously, and despite one rather heated interlude over the seasoning Ralph and his new sous chef emerged from the kitchen beaming with pride.

Saturday, 9.35am
A glorious evening last night, although feeling as stuffed as a pot-bellied pig. Monsieur 2 lingered in the shower for as long as possible, and emerged looking refreshed and devilishly good-looking. We made our way across the garden to the main house, and tucked into croissants and coffee – while Ralph gave us the run-down of the day.

The ceremony was taking place at 1pm, followed by a huge lunch, and then the real fun begins: horse-riding followed by a hot-air trip over Gloucstershire's finest countryside. (Tomorrow, he promises, will be less frenetic, with a lie-in and a visit to the Highgrove estate for lunch with HRH; failing that, brunch and a spot of organic shopping.)

Saturday, 4.38pm
The ceremony was truly touching. Andrew and Paul looked beautifully groomed and very much in love. Even the dishwasher beeping during the vows didn’t deter from the sense of occasion, although Lisa and I did get the giggles, at which point M gave me a withering look. Don’t think he’ll be proposing this weekend.

Sunday 2.30pm
Just finished brunch and we’re having a quick whizz around with the vacuum cleaner, and clearing up the empty bottles. Don’t know where they all came from. (Note, must cut down on drinking!). Berkeley House can provide a live-in ‘house girl’, but the consensus was why bother when we could spend the money on food and wine instead!
Just enough time for a whistle-stop tour of Bath - Monsieur 2 was keen on the idea of visiting William Morris’s home and the second-hand bookshops, Lisa wanted to swing by the Beaufort Polo Club, and Paul and Ralph wanted to ramble through the Westonbirt Arboretum. Bath it was.

N: Berkeley House
T: 01666 500277
E: lenaproudlock@me.com
W: lenaproudlockescapes.com
Our rating: ****
A: 16 The Chipping, Tetbury, Gloucestershire GL8 8ET