Artist Residence

Artist Residence, Penzance, Cornwall

17.12
It has been an epic five hour train journey from Paddington to Penzance, and we feel exhilarated when we see the huge stone sign welcoming visitors to England’s southernmost station, like Sinbad on his first voyage away from home.

17.20
Picking our way past the fishing tackle shops and boat hire huts that line the picturesque quay, Monsieur 2 spies the imposing edifice of St Mary’s Church, a landmark for historic Chapel Street where our hotel, Artist Residence, is located.

Longing for a decent cup of tea, we march gung-ho towards the steeple, but then can’t find Artist Residence. Seeing our confusion, a friendly local guides us to a smart white townhouse with bold red door. Voila, we have arrived.

17.25
Flo, our friendly receptionist, checks us in and gives us a copy of the hotel’s own sightseeing map. It’s illustrated, and the coolest tourist map we’ve seen to date. Monsieur 2 squirrels it away for closer examination later.

17.32
Walking through a light, bright cafe-cum-gallery space towards the bedrooms, we see vintage clothing, arty accessories, and other local produce for sale. Artist Residence is clearly very much part of the community, which we applaud.

“Artist Residence is very much part of the community, which we applaud”

But the encore has to go to the decor. It’s as though they’ve hauled booty from the seas’ quirkiest of ships, given it a lick and a polish, and curated the entire hotel with it.

 "The encore has to go the decor, though – it’s so fabulously fun”

Our room, one of 11, is named the Picture Gallery – it has a high beamed ceiling, a pristine white backdrop, and bold graphic prints hanging from its walls.

An installation of colourful lovebirds in twisted reeds is a clever alternative to flowers, and an artists’ trestle table set with tea tray, and complimentary mineral water benefiting the Lifeboats charity, adds a homely touch. It’s fun, imaginative, and wonderfully unexpected.

“An installation of colourful lovebirds in twisted reeds is a clever alternative to flowers”

18.15
I make tea, whilst Monsieur 2 mulls over the map. He announces we should go for a walk.

18.52
Chapel Street is lined with landmarks, including an early 19th century Methodist church, the town’s original Assembly Rooms and an Egyptian House decorated with hieroglyphs.

On Market Jew Street we stop to admire the statue to local lad Sir Humphrey Davy, the famous scientist who, amongst other things, invented the miners’ Davy lamp. We amble past the station and along the hillside to watch the sun set over St Michael’s Mount – a spectacular island castle just off the coast. We’ve missed the crossing to it today, but we’re rather hungry and upon consultation of our map, we know just where we’re heading.

19.20
The 17th century Admiral Benbow pub has an eccentric interior – figureheads, ship’s wheels and myriad maritime ephemera from shipwrecks of yore.

It is here that we park ourselves for a beer from the St Austell brewery, and locally caught cod and chips. It’s delicious, but Monsieur 2 nearly chokes on his when I tell him that the very room we are sitting in was once the prow of a Portuguese man o’ war!

“We are in Cornwall. This is no time for meagre portions”

21.10
A soak in the free-standing roll-top tub is just the perfect tonic after such a long day, and as I lie back, Monsieur 2 meanwhile settles into an armchair to read some of the thoughtfully-chosen art and local history books provided. We couldn’t be cosier!

22.45
Nicely relaxed, we turn in for the night. I love the bedstead made from unvarnished planks of wood but Monsieur 2 says he’s worried about getting splinters, so I wrap us up snugly in the gorgeous feathery duvet to allay his fears…

Tuesday, 09.18
Waking to the sound of seagulls, we fling off our covers and race for a drench shower before breakfast; we are ready for adventure and have appetites to match.

09.42
The cafe’s been set up beautifully with funky mismatched vintage china and modern Alessi jars and cruets, and the food is great.

We help ourselves to cereal and fresh juice, then order eggs Royale for me and pancakes with bacon and maple syrup for Monsieur 2, followed by doorstep slices of toast, spread thickly with Cornish butter and home-made preserves. We are in Cornwall. This is no time for meagre portions.

As Monsieur 2 stands, he turns to admire the very cool urban art on display by Cornish artist Mat McIvor. He shuffles. I smile to myself – he has loosened his belt, and thinks I haven’t noticed.

11.00
Apart from the absolute individuality of this place, what we love about Artist Residence, is how wholly supportive they are of Cornwall’s artists.

On the recommendation of the staff we’re just back from a visit the Exchange Gallery up the road – we very much liked what we saw. And that’s just as true of Artist Residence – what a fantastic, friendly, bohemian and chic place it’s been to stay – a real piece of treasure in Penzance.

For more details, ideas on what to do, and booking info, see the review in full on deuxmessieurs.com

The Neo, B+B, Brighton

Wednesday
We never need an excuse for a trip to Brighton, but when a friend of ours lands a part in a play at the famous Theatre Royal we know we have to be there for opening night, and since we’re invited to the cast party we decide to make a night of it and stay over. A quick look online turns up The Neo, which appears to tick all the right boxes.

16.15
It takes us 15 minutes to walk to The Neo from Brighton station, which is just outside the city centre.

On the way we pass colourful fruit and veg stalls, a stern statue of Queen Victoria, and a myraid of quirky boutiques. It's all so marvellously British, and sums up the eccentricity of this lovely seaside resort. 

And so it continues inside The Neo - the first thing we see when we enter is a huge stag’s head mounted on the wall – we love a bit of taxidermy!

16.18
As we check-in, we're surprised to be told that The Neo’s unstaffed between 9.00pm and 8.30am, but we are given our own front door key and we can come and go as we please.

16.25
We’re shown up to our room - No. 5, a well-proportioned double on the second floor.

A feature wall is papered in a striking black and metallic Japanese floral pattern, complementing black Chinese furniture, and the bed has a dramatic headboard in pale suede. Sash windows let abundant daylight in and the overall effect’s very smart and inviting.

16.35
It’s a hot day so we decide to freshen up in the minimally-chic, black mosaic-tiled shower. The shower head’s a bit loose and leaky but with some contortions we both manage a good hot soaking.

There’s no faulting the big fluffy towels though, and we like the waffle bathrobes too. We’re also impressed by the huge double-ended bath – taps in the middle! – surely designed with deux messieurs in mind.

17.50
Glad-rags on, we head out for a bite to eat. A ten minute stroll along the prom takes us to the Brighton branch of Little Bay, one of our favourite London mini-chains.

18.00
We’re shown up a staircase to a fabulous cantilevered balcony where our table awaits. We sip cocktails – my Margarita is excellent – while we wait for our food to come. Little Bay's prices are incredibly low – except for a few specials - starters are under £3 and main courses under £6 – but there’s no compromising on quality.

My goat’s cheese in filo pastry starter is wonderful; but with his sirloin steak and goose fat chips Monsieur 2 has the better main course - my plaice fillet stuffed with crab is good but needs seasoning.

There's a good choice of wines by the glass, and our bill for two with drinks and a tip is under £40! If only we’d left time for dessert, but the theatre beckons...

22.30
Show over, we head off to the cast party at stylish cabaret pub 112 Church Street (we love its little patio garden) before hitting the gay scene. Most of Brighton’s most popular bars are along the seafront, and we end up in bar/club Legends until the wee small hours.

02.11
Stumbling happily back to The Neo, we collapse into the splendidly comfortable 5’ bed. It’s been a long night and we need our sleep!

09.48
Waking bleary-eyed we head down to elegant sun-filled breakfast room ready for a fry-up. But disaster – we had been told, but had forgotten, that breakfast’s only served until 9.30, which strikes us as rather early especially for somewhere aimed firmly at holiday-makers rather than early-rising business people. A waitress takes pity on us and manages to rustle us up some granola, orange juice and a pot of coffee. Phew.

10.20
Back in room 5 we decide that a long soak in that giant tub will put us right. We can't remember when check out is and no-one’s answering the phone at reception so we take a gamble on it being around 11 o’clock (it's actually 11.30) and relax and splash around until it’s nearly time to go. Perfect!

11.05
Waved on our way by the receptionist we head for the train; walking along Queen’s Road, the main route up from the seafront to the station, we spot Cocoa, a lovely French cafe-patisserie where we enjoy wonderful coffee and some ham and cheese croissants - oh how we needed that carbs-and-fat fix. We also can’t resist taking away a few of their incredible macaroons which are the best we’ve tasted anywhere, including France!

12.19
We're smiling as the train pulls out of Brighton; we’ve had a great time in one of our favourite places, and even if The Neo wasn’t quite as plush and the service not quite as attentive as it is in some places we’ve stayed, it was a good-value base for a night, we’d be glad to recommend.

N: The Neo Hotel (Bed and Breakfast)
T: 01273 711 104
A: 19 Oriental Place, Brighton, BN1 2LL
E: info@neohotel.com
Our rating: ***+

Dorset Square Hotel, Marylebone, London

If shopping were an Olympic sport, Monsieur 2 would be its Michael Phelps. An essential part of his quarterly assaults on London’s boutiques is having a good hotel as base camp, somewhere to muster his strength and return to for rest and refreshment. This time we’ve chosen Dorset Square Hotel for its proximity to the chic shops of Marylebone and Bond Street.

The unassuming entrance to Dorset Square Hotel

Saturday, 14.00
As we check in, we notice there’s a cricket theme going on - arty displays of vintage bats adorn the reception area and even our key fob is in the shape of a cricket ball.

Clocking our confused expressions the receptionist explains that Dorset Square was the original site of Mr Lord’s cricket ground. We don’t normally like themed places but with a connection like that, we can see why they’ve gone with it.

14.10
Sadly the cricket theme doesn’t extend to having hunky Freddie Flintoff on the staff, but hunky concierge Yesek (swiftly nicknamed ‘Yes Yes Yesek by saucy Monsieur 2) is a good substitute. He shows us up to our room, through corridors papered in a quirky, bold vegetable-print.

14.13
Our room, 104, is small but perfectly formed.

We like the crisp, fresh red white and blue decor and cricket ball handles on the wardrobe doors.

Knobs can say a lot about a place

We also like its decor, and the accessories it comes with, and make note of the seamstress's mannequin in the corner, speculating how we shall dress it up later.

Daylight from a tall sash window overlooking the square, double-glazed to keep out traffic noise, floods the room - we can tell this is going to be a real oasis of calm.

14.20 Sustenance is important before a shopping mission so we take a peek at the mini-bar - but when we see that a bottle of Coke is £3.75 and packet of crisps, albeit gourmet ones, a stonking £3.50, we decide to leave it at just that.

Never mind - Marylebone High Street, where we’re heading anyway, has some great little delis so we’ll grab something en route.

18.11
We. Are. Exhausted. We’ve shopped, and now we are ready to drop. To give our feet time to recover, Monsieur 2 stretches out on the bed while I collapse in one of the smart armchairs to watch Indiana Jones liberating the Temple of Doom on the state-of-the-art SMART TV.

Who can resist?! (That is rhetorical only)

20.00
Time for dinner in the hotel’s The Potting Shed restaurant. Situated in the basement, this was, as its name suggests, the house’s former potting shed, and its history is tastefully reflected in its garden greens decor with shelves of plant pots housed beneath a greenhouse roof.

We love little touches like this, in the Potting Shed

It’s all very bucolic and doesn’t feel like busy central London at all.

The menu is mostly solid British classics, with some Italian dishes thrown in. We start with chicken liver parfait for Monsieur 2 - a large quenelle of it with onion marmalade, which he enjoys - and San Daniele ham with mozzarella and Heritage tomatoes for me. It’s just the sort of tasty, simple dish I was fancying.

The Potting Shed bar and restaurant at Dorset Square Hotel

Our meaty main courses of Hereford cote de boeuf - served with crisp, salty frites - and lamb cutlets with mint jelly, use excellent produce and I especially like a side order of perfect little peas and carrots.

Puddings couldn’t be more British; the treacle tart with clotted cream and raspberries for me, and gooseberry fool for Monsieur 2, are both terrific and at £4.50, as reasonable as the rest of the menu. A bottle of Colchagua Merlot washes it all down a treat. Service is lovely, the perfect balance of efficient and friendly.

10.11
Fancying a post-dinner cocktail we adjourn to the guest Drawing Room with its well-stocked honesty bar.

I rustle us up a cocktail and we lounge on the expansive sofa, feeling very grand.

10.57
Fully intending to go out on the town - Soho’s walking distance! - we head back up to Room 104, but finding that the bed’s been turned down, a gorgeous fragrant pillow spray left for us along with a bottle of mineral water each, it’s just too tempting not to slip between the Frette sheets...

Sunday 08.26
Boy have we slept well - the bed was super-comfy and the room so calm. Time for a wake-up cuppa while we read the complimentary Sunday paper that’s been left outside our door. But hang on - there’s no tea and coffee supplied in the room, something we’ve not encountered before! Oh well. We debate ordering breakfast in bed, but decide to crack on with the day, throw on some clothes and head down to The Potting Shed.

08.40
The restaurant’s even prettier filled with morning sunlight than it was at dusk. Thought’s clearly gone into the menu as far as nutrition goes, with low GI options and egg-white omelettes on offer. But that's not what we're after - so we tuck in to an estimable full English, with plenty of the tea we’ve been craving, and a glass of freshly squeezed juice - watermelon, in my case, which makes a refreshing change.

09.36
The shower in our grey-marble tiled bathroom has a powerful massage setting which pummels out the last few knots left from yesterday’s retail marathon, and Miller Harris products leave us smelling like champions.

We’ve a while until we have to check out so we slip into our towelling-lined waffle bathrobes, sprawl on the bed and try to decide what we’re going to wear first from yesterday’s spoils.

11.00
Check-out time, and as we step out into Dorset Square, waved warmly on our way by Yes Yes Yesek, we can almost hear the sound of leather on willow where cricketers once played. We might not be maidens, but Dorset Square Hotel’s welcome and service have certainly bowled us over.

N: Dorset Square Hotel
A: 39-40 Dorset Square, Marylebone, London NW1 6QN
T: +44 207 7723 7874
E: dorset@firmdale.com
W: firmdalehotels.com/london/dorset-square-hotel

Our rating:****

The George in Rye

Friday 14.54 We know we’re going to like Rye the moment we arrive. The Edwardian station, with its wooden signal box on stilts, is straight out of The Railway Children. It’s a few minutes’ walk up the hill to the High Street and our hotel for the night, The George.

Rye station feels like it's straight out of the Railway Children

15.02
The imposing, beautifully preserved main building of The George was once a coaching inn, built in 1575. It doesn’t take much imagination to picture horse-drawn carriages depositing their passengers at the grand entrance.

The George has a Gorgeous Pistachio Exterior

The reception, with its plush chairs, formal desks and exposed timbers, maintains the sense of grandeur but it’s welcoming, not intimidating.

15.10
All checked in we’re shown to our room. Over time The George's owners have acquired outbuildings and even a complete detached house and converted them into bedrooms, all connected by beautiful shaded courtyards.

The Courtyard sits between the outbuildings at The George

With views over the tiled rooftops of Rye, it almost feels like a self-contained village.

15.14

Colourful and playful in Room 45.

We're in room 45, tucked away up its own private staircase. As we enter, we’re charmed by the colourful decor. One wall is papered in bold, but not overwhelming so, flock wallpaper, and its bands of bright hues are picked out in the upholstery and ornaments of the generous space around us.

Man's best friend keeps guard from the mantelpiece

Classic FM is playing on the Tivoli radio by the bed and a perfect shiny apple awaits us on the sideboard.

We’re impressed.

15.27
Monsieur 2 always likes a cuppa when we check into a hotel and is pleased to find top-quality Teapigs teas in the caddy. Boiling the kettle is a bit of a challenge; the placing of sockets around the room is a little haphazard, but it’s no big deal, and it’s soon steaming away.

16.00
We head out into the town - no need for a map, we just wander. Rye is really beautiful; there are loads of lovely little artsy-craftsy and antique shops clustered down by the quayside and 16th century cottages line the quiet cobbled lanes.

A large cannon (with balls) but no sign of Cher

There’s even a tiny castle, its cannon still pointing out to sea a reminder of Rye’s historical status as one of the powerful Cinque Ports.

18.03
Back at The George we decide to freshen up before dinner. In our large bathroom there’s a charming tin bath - very Dickensian! - but it looks barely big enough for one Monsieur never mind two, so we take a shower in the huge tiled shower room instead, happily noting the complimentary REN products.

19.30
We’re shown to a great corner table in The Grill and take in the attractive room. Done out in countryside greens with some bold art on the walls it feels modern but unpretentious. As is the menu; divided simply into Starters, From The Grill, From The Sea and Steak-Frites, it’s attentive to locality and seasonality.

To start I have roasted tomato soup, often a boring choice but not here - it’s smoky and subtly spicy, and in the middle there’s a mound of dressed crab on a crouton - the combination of flavours is unusual but works brilliantly.

Msr 2's grilled gambas comes to the table sizzling, the butter bubbling away

I’m envious, though, of Monsieur 2’s amazing main course; five huge prawns, cooked on the white-hot Josper grill and brought to the table in a cast-iron skillet, swimming in bubbling garlic- and chilli-rich butter. Begrudgingly he lets me try one and it’s gorgeous - sweet, salty, spicy...and messy!

Stylish simplicity: marinaded cherries with yoghurt sorbet, served in a frosted Martini glass.

We share a refreshing pudding of marinaded cherries with yoghurt sorbet which, served in a frosted Martini glass, looks as good as it tastes. All in all it’s a fantastic meal; there are clearly some very talented people in the kitchen here.

21.45
The bar, The George Tap, has the feel of a cosy country pub even though it sits within the hotel.

It’s busy with locals but we manage to find a corner to cuddle up in for a nightcap.

Cosy corners - perfect for a cheeky night-cap

It’s open 24 hours for guests, a real rarity, but we’re drowsy from dinner so decide it’s time for bed.

22.27
We get back to the room to find the bed’s been turned down and the curtains drawn for us, so all we have to do is brush our teeth and fall into bed...

Saturday 08.57
We wake to the sound of seagulls having slept really deeply - the beautiful Frette bed linen was soft as silk and the bed so huge that at times we both wondered if there really was a second Monsieur in there with us!

09.20
We dress and go downstairs to the restaurant for breakfast. There’s a huge selection of baked goods and cereals as well as a full English or lighter hot options (eggs Benedict, boiled eggs and soldiers...) - we choose smoked salmon and scrambled eggs. Our hot food arrives before we've even finished drizzling our gorgeous nutty granola in honey; the speed of arrival suggests it’s not cooked to order, which is surprising given the attention to detail at supper. Tasty though!

10.41
Time to check out and we can tell that the staff really mean it when they say they hope we’ve enjoyed our stay. We certainly have; The George is a great hotel in a beautiful town that we’ve fallen just a little bit in love with.

Rye is very picturesque

As we stroll back along the cobbled streets to the station, it doesn’t just feel like we’re leaving another place, but another time.

N: The George in Rye
A: 98 High Street  Rye, East Sussex, TN31 7JT
T: 01797 222114
E: stay@thegeorgeinrye.com
W: thegeorgeinrye.com
Our rating: 4*